Teachers Are Revealing The Very, Very Harsh Truths Parents Need To Accept, And Anyone With Kids Should Read This

We recently asked teachers of the BuzzFeed Community to fill out this questionnaire about their experiences and observations. In the questionnaire, we asked them what hard truths parents need to hear today. Here's what they had to say:

1."You are your child’s biggest problem. You will not and cannot be there to save them from the real world. You cannot pick up a phone and scream at their employer because your child showed up late or doesn’t have the skills necessary for the job. You will be supporting your child the rest of your life because you need to be able to read effectively to have a job. You will be supporting your child the rest of your life because they do not know how to problem solve or critically think for themselves. You will be supporting your child the rest of your life because your child never learned how to work with others, because it was always someone else’s fault. You will be supporting your child the rest of your life, and it will be your fault."

—llgc, 26,St. Louis, Missouri, Grade 6

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2."Your job is to be a parent, not a friend. 'But I can't take away his games until homework is done. He'll be mad at me!' That was an actual quote from a parent whose child refused to complete any work."

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—Fred,55, Oregon, Grades K-5

3."Your kid is not always being victimized. A lot of times your child instigated the issues I'm calling about. Your kid isn't perfect, and that's not because you're failing as a parent. You just need to be willing to have boundaries and work with your teachers for them to grow up as a good person."

—Robinette, 25, Virginia, Grades 1-4

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4."If one or more (especially more) teachers are taking time to email home, the teachers are not the problem…your child is. I hate sending emails home informing parents how their child is behaving poorly in my class. I avoid it if I can."

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—KF, 33, Northshore, Massachusetts, Grade 8

5."You are their first teacher. It is your job to raise them to be functional adults. It’s your job to regulate your emotions while teaching them how to regulate their emotions."

—Anonymous, 34, Iowa, Grades K-5

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6."Your elementary-aged children don’t need smartphones (if they need a phone, get them a basic flip phone). Stop using screens as babysitters. Let your kids be bored; it builds their creativity and problem-solving skills. Tell them 'no.' Follow through with consequences."

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—Anonymous, 34, Iowa, Grades K-5

7."Punishment is okay. Kids need rules and consequences for when those rules are broken. It’s not making you a bad parent; it’s teaching your child that the word 'no' is okay and they will hear it."

—Anonymous, 30, NYC, Grades 6-8

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8."Send your kids to school! Truancy is a huge issue now. If they’re refusing to get out of bed, get some help. If they truly are sick every day and don’t have an underlying condition, they may need to get evaluated."

—Anonymous, 30, NYC, Grades 6-8

9."Learning is a priority. Sure, the lines are shorter at Disneyland in October, but missing 15 days of a trimester is messed up. Make your kid work harder than you do."

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—Bryan Dibble,56, Washington, High School

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10."What you feed them, like organic foods and healthy snacks, is equally as important as what they watch and read. Good in nature inside, good comes out in behavior and growth. Bad content put inside, negative behavior displayed outside."

—Mrs.Beverly, Grades K-4

11."If you're not responding to or even checking emails from the school or teachers, you're going to find out about issues at the 11th hour, and you'll have no one to blame but yourself. Schools and teachers are not the only entities that should be working with kids toward success. Be an active member of your kid's education, or you have no right to complain about anything school-related."

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—Gretchen,39, Illinois, High School

12."If a teacher suggests getting your child tested for a learning disability, do it! It’s not just a label…it’s giving them tools to help them succeed."

—Anonymous, 30, NYC, Grades 6-8

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13."School and education now is NOTHING like it was when you were in school. More standards, less time. More need, less resources. Teacher autonomy is GONE. Everything is scripted. Check your state standards and then district curriculum."

—CC, 52, Missouri, Kindergarten

14."Put your damn phones down. Take your kids' phones away and stop using them as a way to keep them out of your hair. Talk to your kids, explain things, spend time with them, give them rules and consequences. It's okay if you don't have all the answers; find out together. My grandparents could barely read and write, and my dad became a doctor."

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—Michele, 66, Retired

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15."If a teacher tells you that your child is using AI to complete their assignments, feel free to ask questions, but please believe that they are not just trying to 'catch' your kid to punish them, but because your kid's teacher wants your student to LEARN and be able to use their BRAIN instead of taking shortcuts for everything and learning no real skills except for copy and pasting."

—Anonymous,40, Houston, Texas, High School

16."Your child does not need access to a handheld device every day. Their brains are developing. Daily phone and tablet time is stunting their development. They are addicted."

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—Anonymous,36, Michigan, Pre-K

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17."Parents need to realize that they are growing adults and children. They need to learn how to survive in the real world, and it has to be taught from when they are young."

—Charmaine, 56, Canada, Grades 4-7

18.And finally, "You have to model the behaviors you expect from your child. Resorting to physical discipline or yelling leads to maladjusted kids who think that violence and disrespect are appropriate ways of dealing with conflict."

—Mrs A, 44, San Bernardino, California, Grades K-3

Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

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If you're a teacher, use the form below to tell us about the realities and struggles of teaching today. You can answer as many or as few questions as you'd like.

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