Why Couples Are Embracing ‘Breakup Trips’ for Closure and Healing

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The trip couldn’t have been more idyllic. My boyfriend of five years and I had rented a camper van and were driving through stunningly beautiful mountains in New Zealand. We had nothing but time, and could fill our days with hiking, exploring, and snuggling up in bed. The only issue? We had absolutely nothing to talk about. Hours passed in silence; I was so bored. Well, I thought to myself, it’s a good thing we’re breaking up.

A month before we departed, my boyfriend and I had mutually decided to end our relationship. But the thing was, we already had a trip to New Zealand booked, and it felt like a once in a lifetime opportunity to fly across the world to explore the famously gorgeous country. Neither of us wanted to pass it up. So even though it sounded crazy to our friends and family, we decided to stick to the plan to go together. We felt it would be one last thing to do as a couple—a way to celebrate our relationship and commemorate its end.

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It could have been the worst idea ever—a plan prone to pitfalls like the eye-roll-inducing concept of “conscious uncoupling.” But it turns out, my ex and I aren’t alone in taking a “breakup moon” at the end of our relationship. In recent months, couples have been sharing stories of their “breakup trips” (a term that frequently trends on TikTok). In one video, a woman shows herself at Disney World and then pans the camera to show her ex-boyfriend behind her—wearing a matching outfit. In another clip a woman writes, “POV we broke up but the trip was nonrefundable,” dragging her ex into the frame.

Though many of these women say they opted to proceed with a planned trip with an ex simply because they didn’t want to waste money or miss out on the experience, experts say there are actually many good reasons to take a breakup trip, if the circumstances are right. “Many people wouldn't necessarily understand why you would be taking a trip with your ex,” says Natalia Juarez, a breakup coach who helps people end their relationships. “But it can really help to mark the end with intention. It’s a softer landing, without the abruptness that sometimes happens in breakups.”

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People often want to mark endings with some sort of ritual, Juarez adds, and a breakup trip can serve that purpose. “What I love about the concept is that it gives people a chance to write the final chapter together—something that acknowledges the relationship’s meaning while still honoring the fact that it’s time to part ways,” she says. “There’s so much power in being able to say goodbye in a way that feels meaningful, especially after a long-term relationship. It’s about being fully present for the ending, which can help people feel more emotionally complete. Rather than ending with a fight or a disappearing act, trips allow both people to reflect on what they’ve meant to each other and why the breakup is necessary. That intentionality can bring closure.”

A breakup moon can give a couple a sense of finality, rather than the more common ambiguous way many relationships end, explains Eunice Akinola, a marriage and family therapist with A Better Life Therapy. She even knows of a couple who did a breakup photo shoot to mark their parting. “A lot of anxiety can come from not having a true ending or clear closure,” Akinola says. While a breakup trip can “give people a truer sense of a controlled, and agreed-upon, end.”

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While many couples decide to take a trip together to bring their relationship to a close, others use their travels as a way of sussing out if the coupling has any hope of a future. For Sarah Shtutin, a trip to Memphis with a boyfriend she was pretty sure she was breaking up with felt like one final chance. “It was a last ditch effort like, let's see each other, let's have sex, let's see if there's anything worth salvaging,” Shtutin explains. But she never got the chance: The boyfriend ended up cancelling on her the day before the trip, and they broke up.

A breakup moon can also highlight differences between partners and crystallize the traits one may want to seek in their next relationship. That was true for Tina and her boyfriend of a year and a half, who decided to take a planned trip to Peru to hike the Inca Trail even though they knew the relationship was doomed. The boyfriend did not train at all for the hike; Tina ended up leaving him in the dust—and didn’t feel bad about it. “I was going on the harder hikes on my own, having a great time, and was meeting the other people,” she says. “It was a confidence builder because I saw I don't need this guy.”

For Rina, a trip to Florida with a boyfriend she knew she had no future with, helped her see how truly unhelpful he was. When they arrived at their AirBnB, the place was disgusting—covered with mouse poop and bacon grease—so they left to get a hotel. “It was kind of a stressful few hours of figuring things out, and then I realized that I left my diamond earrings at the AirBnB. Instead of being helpful, he was like, ‘I’m gonna go to the bar,’” Rina says. “When we got to the hotel, I was like, ‘This is clearly not a good relationship for me.’” The experience helped Rina hone in on what she actually wanted from a partner, and when she met her now-husband a few weeks later, she was attracted to his financial stability and the fact that he didn’t have a drinking problem.

Meanwhile Ashley says a camping trip near the end of her relationship helped her not second-guess her decision. “I was going back and forth because, on paper, he was lovely,” she says.” Great job, great career, great family, great upbringing, owned a place—he was Midwest perfect. So that definitely made me ask myself, am I being irrational here? But then that trip made me feel like nope, no more second-guessing—you definitely do not want to be in this relationship.” Isolated out in the wilderness with no distractions, she saw how they had no connection anymore.

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Breakups often raise a lot of “what ifs,” self blame, and criticism. A trip can thwart those feelings, Akinola says. “It's really difficult to process a breakup when the one person who understands your experience isn’t there anymore,” she explains. “A special time together can help with that.” But there are definitely pitfalls, especially if both people in the couple aren’t fully on board with the breakup to begin with. “If this is a part of the bargaining process with themselves and actually they just want more time with this person, then they really run the risk of it making things even harder,” she says. “Because then on this trip, everything becomes the last time—our last sunset, our last intimate time, our last dinner.”

If a couple has a magical time away from daily stresses often a question can arise: Wait, should we stay together? Akinola also advises couples to have clear boundaries going in to avoid such confusion. “Couples might behave as if they're still in a committed relationship, so you have to keep in mind, this is a breakup—you're no longer together,” she says. “I’d recommend separate rooms and no physical intimacy, because that can blur lines and make things emotionally confusing.” People also need to think about the travel costs, Akinola says: “Are you splitting things 50/50? All of that contributes to keeping the message clear that this is the end of the relationship, not sending mixed signals.”

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Akinola also suggests consciously preparing yourself for the end of the trip. It’s natural to feel a letdown after a vacation, but coming back from a breakup moon can be far more extreme. “Even though you’ve done so intentionally, you’re still experiencing a breakup. That can bring depression, isolation,” she says “So what support do you have in place when you return to make the process less jarring?” She also recommends spending alone time during the trip—“It sends a low-grade signal to the brain that things are shifting.”

I’ll be honest—I followed none of this advice on my own breakup moon. My soon-to-be-ex and I definitely didn’t have our own rooms (hello, camper van), we had sex, and I made no plans for a support system when I returned home. But I did spend time on the trip reflecting and processing, and at the end of the two weeks in New Zealand, I felt certain it was time for the relationship to be over.

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We had one last dinner together, before my boyfriend—make that my ex-boyfriend—was scheduled to fly out early the next morning. I woke up with him and we shared a long final hug before he left for the airport. After that, I had the day to myself. I hiked up Maungakiekie, a small volcanic peak within the city limits of Auckland. From the top, I looked out over the whole city and thought about what came next. I was going to return home, solo and single, and was determined to spend the time focusing on my job and strengthening my friendships. At that moment, I didn’t have anyone to talk to, but I also wasn’t bored.